it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

Now What Do I Do??

Now What Do I Do??

It has been days since my last entry and to be frank, things have been so hectic and fast that I'm for once glad it's a weekend. Usually I dread weekends because it only amplifies the fact that yet another week has passed and exams draw nearer but I do need the break.

On Wednesday, I basically just made myself Mr Evil No.1 in the cohort of CLDF02 among the module groups B1 and B3. You see, it all started when I was trying to do my best at a presentation and there was this guy from B1 who said I was talking crap. Well, of course I took offense and I shot back at him. However, the story does not end here. When I went back to my seat I found myself in the mood for debating. Hence, out came a pen and a notebook.

What happened next may have just doomed me in CLDF02. I started to shoot every group that went forth to present their work, and I spared only the remaining two groups in my class. It was fun and I totally reminisced about my old debating experiences. When that B1 guy had his turn at presenting and I did the same 'shoot-until-they-drop-dead' questioning, it was clear that they did not like me any one bit and rude gestures start to surface. I did not think much of it until yesterday when I start to reflect on how my actions may have reflected me to the eyes of these non-believers.

Putting that aside, Wednesday night was also the night I gave my all regarding my semestral project. And I mean it literally when I said 'my all'. I drove through the night, going through all the websites and only managed to finish my report at 5am in the morning. School came in a few hours time and I napped during morning's lectures. Night came and it was the same. This time round, it was the powerpoint presentation. Fortunately, I managed to finish it at 4am and that was only after I decided to forgo the special effects. I turned in and then rushed down to school the same morning to meet Zai and Ken' for the compilation work and final touching up.

There was nothing spectacular about my group's presentation except that we overshot the time by two times. In fact, there was not any 'wow' kind of presentation at all. True I did learn about 20% of whatever was presented but I felt that it was not the kind of knowledge I could not do without. Oh and one more thing, I think I look great wearing formal. Feel free to criticise me though, I posted the photos.

Mr Foo finally gave me my engineering maths common test result on Thursday and to my disappointment, I only got a B. Although a B means I scored over 70 marks, I know that I need to put in more effort because like I said, maths is the only module I even have a chance of getting an A. Oh well, triple Bs for common tests. Lousy grades but well-deserved for someone as lazy as me.

I paid the doctor a visit on that same day. It was done more to stop my mother from worrying about me than to really cure whatever is wrong with me. That little lump above my adam's apple turned out to be a lymph node infection which may swell for a week or more. Medication was given and since I'm a good boy, I did take them. Well, that is if it counts as taking medication since out of the four times I was supposed to take the medicine I took it only twice.

current song choice: love will lead you back by taylor dwane

Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (ESV)
Matthew 5:38-42 'Retaliation' (NIV)

The above verses are supposed to guide me in my reflection on my actions during Wednesday. The 'retaliation' verse is about that an eye for an eye thing and how we Christians are supposed to react when faced with those situations where we are tempted to get back at people. Ailing said I did a lousy job with that B1 guy and to say the truth, if things repeat itself I would have done the exact same thing again. You cannot expect me to take his non-constructive criticism lying down. What about my teammates? I will not allow their efforts to be put down by some nobody.

Yes, you may say since that guy is a nobody to you, why did you still go to the extent of making things difficult for him. If we talk about the things that happen after my group's presentation, then I will say, "Yes I admit I was wrong by going after everyone else just because that guy pissed me off". But I do not think it is fair for my teammates either if I do not speak up when he said I was 'crapping'.

However, like what I've said, I admit I was wrong by shooting questions at almost every other group. The real question now is, is there really a need for me to apologise? I know what I had done was an act of self-glorifying (I meant shooting off questions and rebuttals like in a debate) and I admit I was in the wrong. People do not see my as somebody who is outspoken and strong after the whole 2 hours but rather, they see my as a thorn in their flesh.

If apologising to them would give glory to God and show them that Christians admit mistakes and is willing to apologise at the cost of pride then I would do it. But looking at them, I much rather think they would laugh out loud and view me as a silly fool instead. Perhaps I should pray about it.

In fact, I will pray about this. I will put my pride aside if need be. If I cannot, then I ask that God help me overcome it.

posted by bert @ 2:43 AM