it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

Due to some unforeseen & unpleasant event, I found myself looking through the whole pile of my msn chat history 'researching' for something and when my mouse hovered over your e-mail address, I hesitated and then unable to restrain myself, I double clicked. As I read through the conversations we had and thought about the times we shared together, I kept asking myself the same questions, "how on earth did I allow myself to lose you? where did I go wrong? what exactly went wrong?" I guess at the end of the day, perhaps I was not strong enough for you... ...

posted by bert @ 2:24 AM 0 Comments

"我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊"

posted by bert @ 12:02 AM 0 Comments

徐佳瑩 - 失落沙洲





"我不是一定要你回來"

posted by bert @ 12:39 AM 0 Comments

help me understand, is it so difficult for u to stand beside me??

are u ashamed even, to stand by me??

posted by bert @ 8:30 PM 0 Comments

This isn't new. This kind of feeling has been experienced before, yet you wonder why you did not empthathise with thomas sooner. He calls it "xiao lu luan zhuang". I call it "a schoolboy who blushes whenever he sees and avoids the girl he has a crush on".

Recognising who he was standing along at the other side of the studio, but for fear of possible awkwardness or being mistaken for being bold, therefore instead of braving the seemingly longer than usual 10 feet to walk up to him, all you could muster was a simple wave, a small hand gesture in place of the verbal greeting, and then you returned to your conversation with your friends.

And that was your first chance. Lost.

An hour later, as you walked up towards the counter, you realised he was right across from you and you know he saw you. But instead of bidding farewells, you turned and walked away immediately, putting up a pretense of not noticing him, as if to convey an impression of haste, or worse, avoidance.

And that was your second chance. Lost.

3 days later, you saw a familiar figure stepped out of the elevator in front of you. As you walked closer, it became apparent that it was him but he did not see you, his eyes were fixated elsewhere. You could have called out his name but he had his Ipod glued to his ears; you could have tapped his shoulders to get his attention but all you did was to keep on going until you walked right past him.

And that was your third chance. Lost.

Inside the changing room, you stopped and took a breath in an attempt to clear your head and you thought to yourself that if God should intend it, you would have the opportunity to see him again. Thus 15 minutes later, you find yourself walking out with eyes roaming the entire floor. To your utter amazement, he was right there in front of you, only a few meters from his original spot. It would have taken less than 5 steps to reach him but at this moment, the same elevator went "ding". Taking it as a sign, you pivoted and left.

And that was your fourth chance. Lost.

Out on the streets, feeling extremely miserable and like a loser, you heard a song at the back of your head... ...


who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

posted by bert @ 12:51 AM 51 Comments

What happens...

when you can't take your mind off someone, someone whom you are extremely attracted to but you know it's either a schoolboy crush or something that doesn't have a chance of working out anyway because of the vast difference, not just in age, but more importantly, the gap in background.

when you know you were actually hoping to develop something with someone else - one who is going away to study in the near future and may probably never come back or even want to stay rooted here.

when you realised no matter how many there have been or how hard you have tried, you know at the back of your head and heart you haven't entirely let go of the ghost of last halloween.


Albert, YOU are one messed up soul.

posted by bert @ 12:04 AM 0 Comments

No matter how you feel towards me, I remember what I said and I make good my word - I will always be your friend.

posted by bert @ 11:01 PM 0 Comments

how i wished i had read this sooner...futomaki hit it right on the nail...

posted by bert @ 12:22 AM 0 Comments