it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

Seeing the photo of the guys sending you off made me think back to that night (leo, please do not kill me), when I made the painful choice not to go to the airport to send u off. I could have went, my sister's birthday party was an excuse for myself, the party had already ended by dusk and my mum did not need me to be around, but yet in the end I chose to stay at home and cry. Of course, what difference would it have made even if I went? Remember, it's a single-sided affair here, it's unrequited love, it's a pathetic me refusing to give up on you.

Calvin said to me, "you come la, this kind of things also need me to teach you meh". My dear calvin, of course I do not need you to teach me, I've been around long enough myself. But if I had went, would the outcome have been any different? No, I'm not talking about those korean dramas whereby I appear at the airport and you decide not to board your plane but to be with me, I meant the relationship between us. With or without my attendance that night, the 2 of us would still have not been together.

P.S. Should you 1 day read this, why on earth are you always wearing that same Billabong top??


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Did you ever wonder why on earth did I pick up tennis? Why was it that out of the blue, one fine day I asked you to play tennis with me? You've known me for around 1 or 2 years and I had never in the past mentioned anything about me being able to play tennis. Do you not get it, I got a racquet and hired a coach to teach me to play tennis just so when you return, I can play with you. Reality is crude, till now we've never played before, not even once. I can only stand envious of those who played with you. You even had the patience to teach 1 of the guys. I guess your self-centeredness is pretty selective.


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That night when you introduced me to jason, calvin and jimmy, you said I should widen my social circle. Indeed I did, I now know more than a dozen of them. (On top of the other half a dozen I got to know over time.) There are even some whom I still do not have the chance to meet and all the time, more are coming in. Yet you are not here. I miss you and I know some of them do too. What about you? Do you miss anyone of us? Do you miss me?

Well, I guess probably not.


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After getting to know some of them, guys like alvin and ryan, I came to a conclusion that was hanging in front of me all the time but I must have been super blind not to have seen it. Conclusion - I am not your type. Period.

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Once again, this morning sitting in front of my laptop, I face the choice of cutting you out from my life entirely. Will I ever accomplish that? I may never know, but one thing I do know. 8 years down the road, no matter what happens then, there will still be a place in my heart for you, because all this while, I never stop loving you.

Be safe and take care... ...

posted by bert @ 1:53 AM