it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

Inferiority Complex

Inferiority Complex

Today was supposed to be a typical Sunday, but things usually do not turn out to be the way they are supposed to be. I just finish reading the e-mail peien sent, and thus decided that if writing regularly, albeit online, can help improve English, I shall write in a proper way. Thus, the absence of all those triple dots.

I failed to wake up this morning for service and thus was ten minutes late. At the door to Sanctuary was the disapproving look from Uncle James. Sigh. I guess I was tired because I almost fell asleep during sermon. Did not pay too much attention either but still managed to get down all the 3 main points.

Fellowship time was not that bad actually, and I did enjoy myself with all my brothers and sisters-in-Christ. The only drawback of the afternoon was after fellowship when my inferiority complex took over. I know the current I at the piano cannot be compared to Hong and Kill but that’s precisely why I want to practice. Those two have pianos at home and they still want to deprive other less-privileged people of the chance to practice. For crying out loud, how am I supposed to improve? KE says I am improving but so far it is only chord accompaniments. Arghh!! I will go sell my blood if that is what it takes to have a piano in future and be able to practice whenever I wish to.

Sigh. Alas, the inevitable happened again. Just before leaving for city hall with Kill, I have to get into a mood trough again. I just do not understand why it always has to be this away. Time and time again when we go out together, I have to be in a bad mood, even though I did try to prevent it. And all that is to blame is that idiotic inferiority complex of mine. Sorry Kill, I know that when I get depressed it affects you too but I did not mean it on purpose. I will share more to you next time & we go swimming again soon okay??

Current song choice: To Love Somebody by Michael Bolton

I am trying very hard to make changes but I am scared of whatever consequences that may result because of my actions. I had behaved very selfishly at the start of this whole matter but now somehow I feel that while attempting to run back to God, in a way I am also treating somebody else in a selfish manner. Arghh!! This whole thing is just so confusing and I hate it when she says my efforts are not enough. Sigh. Seems like whatever I do is never going to be enough.

One thing I do know is that I want to solve the whole thing asap and strive to serve God again.

Numbers 14:11 And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them? (ESV)

posted by bert @ 12:54 AM