it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

They say women forget the pain of childbirth after seeing and holding the lovely baby that they had carried for 9 months being delivered into the world; I had forgotten how it felt to be upset, lost and more crucially, jealous after a year and a half. I never thought the day would come so soon that I'd wake up and not be smiling, having since been smiling constantly for the past 20 days. Even Freddy could tell that I was genuinely happy, not just I-am-eating-B&J's-happy and we did not even speak face to face, it was over cyberspace.

At the end of the day, I realised it's my own stupidity and insecurity that screwed everything up. It's my own baggage, something that I should deal with on my own, not dump it onto someone else and let it become a burden.

(And I really have no idea why am I behaving in this manner, it's horrible actually - a grown man at 21 being insecure. Perhaps I should have carried my blanket around with me.)

Trust isn't given overnight, it's built overtime.

I know my one of my greatest flaw, other than having a toxic tongue, is being presumptuous and presumptive. And it's really kind of pathetic to be self-sympathetic. I had lots of great plans for my birthday in December, plans that include stuff like holding it either at home or at a chalet, hosting a dinner party at some fancy restaurant, having a blast at St James and most important of all, booking a suite for that special someone and me; guess I may have to cancel that reservation now.

Lesson learnt:
Getting physical or intimate isn't always a sign of affection. The line is crossed when it felt like the person is possessive instead of being loving. And the next time some would-be rival crosses my path, it's more tactful and gracious to simply joke and say, "great ass huh". Alright guys you can all stop scolding me now.

posted by bert @ 9:15 PM