it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

"I want you to understand that this may not be love.
It seems to me that all this while you had been looking for a substitute.
You keep saying that you don't find yourself cute enough.

I wish you know that this is not love.
My guess is that you have forgotten about the meaning of love.
I may be cute, but I have not been loved."

~ Rainie, Cute


Hmm let us sit down and ponder this question over some Khong Guan biscuits and a cup of nice earl grey with milk and aspartame sugar (not lemon, this is not the Great Britain).What is a candy to you?

Sweets are well, sweet and they are nice little edible objects that children, and some adults and ants as well, like to eat. They are nice to chew, nice to swallow, nice to sucker on and nice to look at. Bottom line, they are nice. But look at the negative side of sweets - too much can give you tooth decay and a whole lot of other buccal cavity diseases.

The same goes with eye candy. To qualify as an eye candy, one of the pre-requisite is cute. Therefore, they are nice to look at, nice to ogle at, nice to give extra attention to and nice to talk about. Eye candies provide visual pleasure and sensual delightfulness at work or on the streets. However, as with all nice things around, eye candies come with a downside. An eye candy is comparable to a crystal trinket in a gift shop as the same rule applies - "can see, cannot touch". Imagine the high number of molestation or sexual harassment cases we would have if everyone like me starts to go around fondling their eye candies in public. (In private, it would be a different matter all together.)

It is therefore a sad case that the second unspoken rule about glass paraphernalia does not apply to eye candies - "once broken, considered sold" (not once brokeback, considered so). Let's say I touch my eye candy and it becomes "broken" (not brokeback), and then I would have to buy it as it's considered "sold" to me; I will then have an entire harem of eye candy slaves at my personal disposal. Paradise in Sengkang, North-East corner of Singapore, South-East Asia, Asia, small dot on the world map, a globe called the Earth, 3rd planet in the Solar System, The Milky Way, unknown part of a galaxy, the Universe...

Coming back, therefore my personal but highly unprofessional advice is: Limit your eye candy(s) at work to just one as too many can give you "eye decay" and then you would have to apply a band-aid/handiplast to your eyes and it becomes "eye bandy".

P.A. (not P.S. since I'm not princess sophie) I think my eye candy caught me looking at it at work that day. And just the other day, my boss came in to scold my eye candy. Sigh...

Now let's consider this from another perspective, what if you are somebody else's eye candy? What would your reaction be if you one day unexpectedly find out? I say unexpectedly because usually, a sane person would not go running to his or her eye candy and proclaim that he or she is going to drool all over him or her whenever he or she walk past him or her or cross his or her line of vision.

If you are a piece of somebody's eye candy, would you:
(a) be quietly embarrassed about it and pretend that you either do not know, do not want to know or do not need to know
(b) be quietly embarrassed about it and pretend that it is not a big deal, all the while smiling to yourself
(c) be quietly embarrassed about it and then go around announcing it to everyone
(d) laugh about it and pretend that it is not a big deal, and then grin at yourself at home in front of the mirror
(e) laugh about it and then go around telling all your friends because you feel that it is a really big deal
(f) laugh about it because you feel that it is a joke and that it is not possible as you are not worth-looking at as you are a person with super low self-esteem and you think you are the ugliest person alive whether are you really the ugliest person alive or not
(g) laugh about it and then be contended as you finally think someone other than yourself finds you good-looking enough to want to salivate on you
(h) laugh about it and then report this to your stead (if you have one) and then hang back and watch a 3rd world war blow up in your face as your stead unleash his/her fury and martial art moves he/she learned from Jet Li before he made his last action movie
(i) laugh about it and then tell the person whom you think likes you so that he/she knows that there is a possibility of competition for the ultimate prize which is you
(j) keep a straight face and become blind, deaf and mute all of a sudden
(k) keep a straight face but smile inwardly
(l) reciprocate and says that you also find the other party equally charming and stop there
(m) reciprocate and says that you also find the other party equally charming and then start to flirt unabashedly
(n) reciprocate by giving him/her a real piece of candy and at the same time, feed him/her
(o) reciprocate by giving him/her a real piece of candy and then stick it to his/her eye

posted by bert @ 3:57 PM