Take a peek into the workings of my inner world and instead you'd find uncertain and mixed feelings, an unnaturally quiet void emulsified with the droning of an engine fused with the music from a cd player and an uncomfortable silence generated from the difference between the clear blue sky and the deep blue sea. Literally.
We are as different as the two different poles of a magnet. Certainly unlike poles attract but what fireworks can possibly come out of a gap as wide as the horizon.
You adore the sky and I love the ocean.
You yearn to fly, spread your wings and touch the skies but not only do I hate to fly; it has always been a wish of mine to live out the finale of my life onboard a luxury cruise liner.
You absolutely love cars but not only do I not drive, I have no idea at all which cars go from 0 to 100kph in god knows how many freaking seconds.
You listen to english songs while I rot at "K Box" singing chinese ballads. Oh I meant rock, not rot.
Today's reality gave me a jolt so severe that I almost woke up from my dream. I read a friend's blog that expounded on his fatigue of his constant wait for his partner to love him back in response. He tirelessly gave and gave and gave, tried and tried and tried and finally, recent events made him felt the exhaustion of biding for something that may never come.
I asked myself this question: how much more can I take? How much longer can I dwell underneath the deceptive veil of genuine understanding. Deceptive because not everyone have seen this side of me. Genuine because I am really doing it for you and doing it because of you. I am honestly being understanding and seriously trying hard to continue to be as understanding as I can, knowing the predicament that you face (and I have no wishes to put you in any kind of spot) and the situation you are now in, a situation that in the future I will face too but I must admit that there is going to be a limit.
My life revolves around you, my mind and heart have been consumed, if not obsessed, but you have got to meet me halfway. This is not a one-man's show.
I said I almost woke up from my dream because I have not given up yet. Are you trying too? Realistically and theoretically, it's always better to hurt someone sooner rather than later. If you are going to let me down, let me know so I would not be left hanging and I can pull out now. No pun intended.
posted by bert @ 2:35 AM
2 Comments:
doesn't love sucks at times like this? Most people forget that love, and everything else, is a two way thing.... and if only one party is doing the giving, that party's bound to get hurt.
the road is going to be tough..no one said that being in love is easy...Love is always full of rage, jealousy, and misery, but beneath this tragic and realistic truth, happiness, joy, sweetness and excitement can still be found (that will depends how u are going to find it). You will not go on this journey alone, a true partner is someone who will be there for u when u needed it. Still bert I wish you all the best and do treasure every “tiny” moments..haha.. :P caused they will be your only source of motivation in time to come.
Cheers
J :P
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