I feel so lost.
And I've come to accept the fact that there are some things that are just beyond our control, some things we just cannot change and some things no matter how hard you try to fight against it, the outcome was inevitable.
Things like love, who you eventually end up with, or who-not; things like the stuff Fate throws onto your path, things like the people you meet, the people you will never meet and those you either met too early or too late.
And yes, I said Fate, not your idea of a "loving" God who plays sick jokes on people in an attempt to goad them to turn back to him amidst pleas and cries for help. You know what they say - that God do not make mistakes, obviously it must have been the publisher.
I feel so lost & so helpless. Why is such a lousy, inmature and useless person like me the eldest?? I cannot even set things right or be of any help to my family. I'm a good-for-nothing.
God, if this is your idea of a sick joke or one of your silly little tricks to try to what bring-me-through-with-your-strength or induce me to pray to you or whatever tests you want to put my family and I through. HAHA!! Guess what, it's not going to work. I only hate you more. You keep taking away the things I love and don't even try to bluff me with what nonsense of you will replace with yourself. Ever since I believed you years back, you have brought me nothing but trouble and misery. I can tell you this, I can go and kneel down and pray right now and then go and carry out what I pray for and you will not answer my prayer!! You call yourself a God of love!! Don't make me laugh.
M is for Muse & he's missing!!
there's a voice in my head, saying leave right now instead
but the song in my heart sings, telling me to stay..
I suppose I'll see, if it's meant to be
why did I fall in love?
maybe it wasn't meant for me... ...
~composer, Dick Lee
