it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert: 10/01/2004

Count the number of "trying"

Count the number of "trying"

There really isn't much going on right now, other than spending my days:
trying to make myself study;
trying to help kai en with his camp logistics;
trying to get a tan;
trying to do more household chores;
trying to finish watching bro-in-law's chinese vcds (tian long ba bu);
trying to plan my week and squeeze all those extra activites in like e-events, swimming, piano, guitar and if possible, aikido.

So there you have it, simple life right??

CurrEnT s[]ng ch0i(e : The Way You Look Tonight by Michael Buble

Of Dreams & Maths

Of Dreams & Maths

Morning was very scary. I kind of had a dream and I actually remember the content. If I'm not wrong, a friend (cannot remember who but I think it may be huiting) once said that a person can usually remember more easily those dreams that happen after he/she wakes up halfway through and then go back to sleep.

Anyway for entertainment, my dream was something like this: first I just was in a place that looked like a cross between a toliet and a living room, got basin, mirror on the wall, a couch and tv. I was going to wash my hands then there were two non-chinese guys on the couch. They seemed to be doing something when I asked, "can I join u?" After that I went to a place where I had no idea where were I and I ran into a group of girls (I usually call them barbie dolls since they like to wear mini skirts and put on heavy make-up) from my lecture group B1. Somehow I began playing some table card game with them and then cerelia (oh my!!)appeared. She just smiled and walked past. After that Zai and Khai (don't ask my why) appeared, the three of us plus one of the original non-chinese guy walked to another place, which was like a cross between a hotel corridor and any typical HDB flats corridor. "I think we are too late," the non-chinese guy said followed by a macik opening a door. The four of us went in and sat down on a sofa, the tv had some indian stuff on. And now this is where I deliver the primary school punchline, I woke up and realised it was all a dream.

Anyway, I joined shuyun in school late afternoon to study until 4.30pm. Met up with kai en and then left school for hougang swimming complex. Initially I was hesitating about whether or not to swim today since the weather did not look too good but in the end I still paid the pool a visit. Had a rather good time, until in the male changing room (sigh, not again) this old man (this old man, he played one, he played nick nack on my... ...)asked me about my locker key. He said he did not know that the lockers required a key and that we needed to pay 20cents to use it, after which he proceeded to tell me about lockers in hotel's swimming pool overseas. But guess what disgusted me, throughout trying to catch my attention and talking to me, he was toweling his *ahem. Crap!! I just left the changing room asap. Sigh, just my luck to ran into these kind of people all over the place.

Started on maths revision since yesterday, but progress is not that good though. Well, shall get back to maths in a few hours time. Meeting chenghong at night tomorrow to get him to tutor me. If I cannot get A for engineering maths, I may as well forget about As for good. I still remember back in home project when I received olivia's case and had to go around the fellowship looking for somebody who knows engineering maths. Pei En!! I need you. Hurry fly back to tutor me in engineering maths.

CUrrenT soNg cHoIcE: Love Changes Everything by Dave Koz (recommended by my best bud -Kill!!)

12 laps amidst 4 'children' pools

12 laps amidst 4 'children' pools

Okay, Tampines swimming pool is strictly out of bounds to all "albert, albe, bert, bertie, wei leong". First the changing room is not only small, it is open-concept (which means old men, old men and more old men). Second, the CHILDREN!! There are supposed to be a wading pool, learners pool, teaching pool and a competition pool. But in short, they are all CHILDREN's pools. Kids were everyone in those ridiculously colourful swimming costumes and cute rubber or polyvinyl chloride (it's a polymer that is water-resistant) floats (no rubber duckies though). Third, where there are kids having swimming lessons, there are aunties. Concerned mums who "float" around the pool looking at their lovely darlings swim with gasping breath. I mean, I know this is supposed to be a public pool popular with the community but this is just too much. Good grief that the pool will be closed on 1st Nov for upgrading. Plus, for such a lousy pool, it charges 30cents more than yck pool.

Exams are approaching and I think a lot of people are surprised by the fact that the exams are so late in the month. Most of my friends are now having fun already, well with the exception of the usual O'level batch.

Sigh, I so do not look forward to the end of O'levels (I am not taking them) and the coming of the end of the year. December 2003 was horrible, even though my birthday was in it, and I seriously hope the same old disappointments that took place last year in that month would not happen again this year. If December 2004 turned out to be as heart-wrenching, I think I'd have to go for a tear-duct-removal operation in case I cry myself blind.

CUrRenT SOng chOIC3: Music of the Night (Phantom of the Opera)

1 Kings 17-19
"We cannot expect to live defectively and pray effectively." At first I thought that sentence meant simply to live a prayerful life or one has to live out a life with Christ-like principles. But as I continue doing my QT, I realised that from the lives of the prophet Elija, I see a great difference between how he prays and how I pray.

Elija prays to God and asked that God uses him, normal folks like me just prays to God and ask for solutions to problems. This is just like instead of praying, "God save that friend of mine who disbelieves in Christ but follows a false goddess and Satan and grant him salvation out of your mighty grace", we should pray,"God use me to influence my friend's life for he does not believes in Christ but follows a false goddess and Satan and let me help him find the only true light to salvation." (My QT material referred to this as 'prayer of incovenience'.)

shopping...s'tarke...family...loss 4% bio...

shopping...s'tarke...family...loss 4% bio...

Dad came back on saturday and that means expensive meals and more pocket money. First up was dinner buffet at Swissotel Merchant Court's Market Cafe followed by out family's favourite past-time, coffee get-together at Plaza Singapura's Starbucks. Imagine this: a whole family well over 10 people, having a rare chance to sit down together and have dinner and coffee. Well, I like to think of myself as a family man and I do really appreciate this kind of precious moments. Especially since the family is getting bigger as the years go by. There were only 9 when I came into this world almost 17 years ago, now there is 16.

The expensive meals continued at Paragon's Ding Tai Feng the following day, and then came the usual activity of the month - shopping!! Additions to my wardrobe: 3 tops plus a short, and a cross from Lee Hwa/Aspial's S'tarke Men Jewelry.

Sigh. Come to think of it now. I've really come to cherish my family. So much had happened to us in the past 1 year and I guess like everybody, nobody except God knows what the future will be like for us.

Anyway, today actually did not start out good for me at all. Hangover in the morning resulted in the loss of attending mdm koh's last lesson of the semester and not being able to see my inorganic quiz results. The bomb was dropped on me when I sms-ed suhana and realised I had completely forgotten about the biochemical quiz. There goes my 4%.

Current Song choice: Endless Road by Lin Jun Jie & You Said by Darlene Zschech

Philippians 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (ESV)

My ZL was talking to the zone about this verse on sunday and previously on friday night, she also mentioned it to me. I do understand the verse but it is afterall, one of those difficult life principle to live out.

Live, so people can see Christ in you. I'm ashame to say that after having spent around 4 months in nyp, I did not live a testimony for anyone to see Christ in me. Stuart Holden suggested that the world does not believe in Him (Christ) whom they have not seen because it has cause not to believe in us whom it has seen! They appear to see so little in our lives that would make it worth their while sacrificing what they already have. I can totally relate to that statement he (stuart holden) made because I had been living like a sunday-Christian ever since august. Now that I have finally "cut" off some issues, I am determined to change my life. The cross I got my dad to buy for me I had originally intended to get it a long time ago but back then, I had deemed myself unworthy of carrying it. Right now, I am still unworthy of the cross but I want it (by hanging around my neck everyday) to serve as a reminder that I have a mission to accomplish, a God-given mission.

"to die is to gain." But for non-believers, there is no gain in dying. There is so much, yet only so little I can do when I look at those non-believers around me, be it people I know or total strangers. There are only 3 saved believers in my family right now. I fear that the rest may never get the chance to enter heaven. I can still remember that time when my grandmother was hospitalised and my cousin and I took the opportunity to share the gospel with her the night before her operation. The disappoinment, fear and sadness were so overwhelming when my grandmother said no to the gospel. I look at my friends, so many of them being non-believers and I have no idea how to reach out to each and everyone of them. I think of ian, the electron gang, belinda, my students and it scares me knowing that they had not receive Christ yet. Especially ian, he is one guy whom I feels extremely sad for. His knowledge of the Lord has been twisted ever since he was young and his pursuit of paganistic stuff just saddens me.

True, there may be stuff like evangelistic events I can use as a stepping stone to reach out to my friends but like I said, what I can do is limited. If God does not move, no matter how hard I work there will be no results because I may not be working in God's plans.

Psalms 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.

Prayer will definitely help. Not that I'm expecting what happened in Lisu, China decades ago when Rev James Fraser was situated there to happen in singapore. (Mountain Rain)

Oh well, my future plans in GBC and/or Peace Zone has not been fixed yet. Thinking of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church because other than FCBC, that's the only church that I've got a friend in. Hmm, sounds quite silly to me.

awww...

milk bottle

mum with her girl!!

willis & com' (tink it's a bit blur)

I HATE YOU!!

I HATE YOU!!

i hate you for what you did to me
i hate you for givin' in to me
i hate you for lyin' to me
i hate you for your reputation
i hate you for being there once and leavin' now
i hate you for who you had to be

and get this clear...when you are back...you belong to everybody else and stay out of my life...i dun want you ard anymore becoz i dun want to give u any more chances to hurt me...i dun care whether do u dun want me to hate you or disallow me to hate u...u stay away from me!!

no mood

uploaded a new joke...did a pretty insightful survey...changed my mood...goin' to upload more pics soon...and ah that's bout' it...not really in the mood to blog...

still readin' A Sufficient Grace...and my future in GBC is bout' to take a big turn...is it goin' to be a good thing or bad...oh well dunno...just pray la...for spiritual growth and resistance from temptations also...haiz

albe's version - CPT0405 a.k.a B2'04

1. what is your class - CPT0405 a.k.a B2'04
2. who is your mentor - mdm linda toh
3. which teacher is the best - mdm koh rawks!!
4. chio teacher - ermmz....mdm koh lor (out of all 3 female lecturers)
5. shuai teacher - dun have lor

6. any pretty girls in class - sure got...a few of those de name is hui-something de...than khai also...
7. any handsome guys in class - me me!! lolz...kae dun throw up yet...hmm in my opinion (actually tis question shld go ask girls instead) zai & willis i guess
8. model student - big ben very guai... always got do tutorial de
9. prefect- too bad...poly dun have
10. monitor & asistant- zai + jin mei

11. always kena scold - lecturers like 2 shoot kenneth
12. pass up assignment late -kenny & jiewei...like to hand in report in afternoon instead of morn'
13. not scared of teachers - (teachers very scary mah?) nobody
14. sleepy head - me again ( -_-!!)
15. late for class - me again again ( -_-!!!)...and ken' & ken'

16. important subject -all wad...but those 3 examinable modules laggy worst la
17. least important -thinking skills
18. first in class - willis scored in maths...jin mei & medium ben also very smart...and y.y.
19. last in class - how i noe
20. which subject everyone pays attention - mdm koh's lecture...unless u want her shoot u up down left right center

21. jokers in class - kenneth!!
22. who is in your front, right, back, left usually when in lecture theatre - front: zai and khai occasionally right: huay san left: suhana back: ammar & jiewei
23. lame ones - kenneth!! mickie also sumtimes join in
24. you r closer to boys or girls - hmm...interestin' question
25. any blur students - suhana always blur blur in lecture

26. what do u do instead of study in class - sleep, sleep and sleep
27. do u have a steady gerlfwen - in class? or outside? u find for me la
28. who love to laugh in class - suhana la, me la, kenneth la, JIN MEI especially!!
29. do u like anyone in class - keke...wad do u tink?
30. does any one in class like you - if there is i dun noe

31. any scapegoat in your class - got..everything blame kenneth
32. who is always being teased in class - both kens
33. who is the quietest gal in class - poh yong, hui ni, hui zhen, cherie that clique ( but i doubt they are quiet when are together)
34. who is the quietest boy in class - gerald? small ben?
35. who is the oldest in class - jin mei

36. who is the proudest in class - kenneth (hey think his name appearin' too many times le)
37. what titles have your class won - no competition how to have titles?
38. who is the most talkative / inquisitive - ammar and jiewei likes to ask questions in class
39. who is the coolest- zai
40. who are the musketeers- me, suhana, san, khai, zai, ken', big ben

kekez...took this from ht's blog...oooh maybe i'll do one more for 4 CR'03....haha but already so long le...a lot of things can't remember......only ppl still in touch with from COURAGE are like only hong, shihui, xiuyun, mich~, shihjie, ming shun that's all

reiko's birthday party

hey fellows....posted some photos taken at my niece's 1st birthday party on 10th Oct at Aranda Country Club...my niece's adorable & lovely right!! and she has a japenese name for a 'christian' name...reiko....cool right...and I'm gonna give my children japenese names in future too...keke

reiko's first cut!!

reiko's birthday cake!!

me & my niece

loveliest mum & daughter

aunt & niece!!

i love my grandma!!

pretty women...

Learn Humility...

Learn Humility... ...

The morning started very badly. I woke up, saw '8.14am' on my hp and immediately start to panic. Supposedly, lessons with mdm koh starts at 9am and I knew that unless I take a cab to school I would be late for certain. I was 'blessed' as I managed to get a cab pretty fast after I tidied up.

Upon reaching the lab a few minutes before 9am, to my horror, I saw that there was no one. A quick phonecall to Zai revealed my suspision - that lessons been changed to 10am. Feeling frustrated with myself (that I had wasted $7.10), I however made use of the one hour to grab some breakfast, past-year exam papers & a short revision of inorganic chemistry.

By 11am, I descended into another trough. Imagined doing tutorials diligently and then getting all of it wrong! Plus, I manage to get the first half of a extremely difficult question correct, only to see other people use it and finish off the entire question ahead of me.

current song choice: Ming Ming Hen Ai Ni by Ping Guan & Fish Leong

First thing first, I want to give thanks to God for although almost sliding into depression, I sort of regain my confidence before the inorganic chemistry quiz. It was great knowing that there are friends I can study and relax with. That one hour outside the lecture theatres was especially mood-lifting.

Second, I guess from the events of today that God wants me to learn humility. Confession: it does feels good that people think I'm smart when it comes to chemistry but God allowed me to see where I went wrong. Having all my answers wrong reminded me that I have much to learn and being cocky or a smart alec is definitely not the right way.

Moreover, I realised I had been arrogant too when I went around during the past week threatening to break people's arm. Sure, in a one to one fight if somebody throws a punch at me I can definitely defend myself. I may not have the ability to totally pull off the aikido techniques irimi nage or shiho nage but hurting somebody's arm would not be a problem at all. However, I know that what I had been doing is wrong. Today was only a small improvement as I did still mentioned "I'll break your arm" a few times. Pray that I'll continue to watch myself and improve on this.

Also, I've started reading A Sufficient Grace by J.Oswald Sanders. It's a third edition, with the first called A Spiritual Clinic and the second, Spiritual Therapy. It deals with the problems of life that Christians also have to handle, such as financial, stress and spiritual warfare. And how apt, that the first chapter deals with depression and despondency (means a loss of hope). Pray that from this book, I can furthur benefit in my spiritual growth.

Let's play with numbers!!

Let's play with numbers!!

5 is for the number of rhythms I learnt today at guitar class. They were pretty easy, considering the fact that I skipped the previous two lessons. And next week will be the last lesson, which means after that I have three choices. 1. Throw my guitar away and leave more time for other stuff, in the mean time concentrate on my piano techniques. 2. Join NYP's Guitar Ensemble. 3. Join the Strum-n-Sing. So does anybody has any advice for me?

4 is for the number of questions I had to do for my biochemical science take-home tutorial. Do you not find the name weird? I mean, instead of homework, it's called take-home tutorial. And by the way, almost everybody else also take home their usual tutorials.

3 is for the number of reports left for me to complete by friday. It's either I manage to finish them in time or I have a splitting headache and collapse before then. Plus, my printer decided to give me more trouble by running out of black ink. Great, ink needs money and they ain't exactly cheap.

2 is for the number of sports that interest me currently. Have not played street bandy (it's similar to floorball/ice hockey) for quite some time, and I also missed out on swimming last week. I think I'd go either on wednesday after that short 2 hours lesson with mr albert yong or friday before that short 2 hours semestral project presentation.

1 is for the number of workable phone I have currently. My dear 6610 decided to give up on me. Shuya, we share the same plight girl. Mine is also a problem with the keypad. 1 is also for the number of phonebill that has arrived. Sigh, money again.

current song choice: Longer & Leader of the Band by Dan Fogelberg

Matthew 5:38-39 (Retaliation) You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you. Do no resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. (ESV)

Just within a day of being reminded about the above verses, I received an e-mail from a friend and a brother-in-Christ that mentioned the same. Reading through his devotional sharing has brought to me quite a few insights on Christian mannerisms and behaviour.

We are suppose to be different from non-believers, because in us, dwells the Holy Spirit of God. Through Him who gave us salvation, we are to strive to grow more like the Lord and our life is to be ever-changing towards for the better. It is not easy, to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43) but that does not means we stop trying to achieve it. God himself expressed his love for us when he died for our sinners. Is it too much to ask that we follow Him and do the same for those who are unsaved?

Till now, I have yet to change a bad habit of mine in class. I go around threatening to break other people's arm/s. Albeit the fact that I always say it in a joking manner, I know that it does not reflect well on me by being violent and irritating. I gave people the right to say, "what kind of a christian is that? he goes around being violent." It is really very hard to imagine me trying to love people when I'm also "trying" to break their limps at the same time.

Well I guess it's time to bring this to prayer. As impossible as it may be, I know that with a determined heart strengthened by God, I can break this bad habit.

Now What Do I Do??

Now What Do I Do??

It has been days since my last entry and to be frank, things have been so hectic and fast that I'm for once glad it's a weekend. Usually I dread weekends because it only amplifies the fact that yet another week has passed and exams draw nearer but I do need the break.

On Wednesday, I basically just made myself Mr Evil No.1 in the cohort of CLDF02 among the module groups B1 and B3. You see, it all started when I was trying to do my best at a presentation and there was this guy from B1 who said I was talking crap. Well, of course I took offense and I shot back at him. However, the story does not end here. When I went back to my seat I found myself in the mood for debating. Hence, out came a pen and a notebook.

What happened next may have just doomed me in CLDF02. I started to shoot every group that went forth to present their work, and I spared only the remaining two groups in my class. It was fun and I totally reminisced about my old debating experiences. When that B1 guy had his turn at presenting and I did the same 'shoot-until-they-drop-dead' questioning, it was clear that they did not like me any one bit and rude gestures start to surface. I did not think much of it until yesterday when I start to reflect on how my actions may have reflected me to the eyes of these non-believers.

Putting that aside, Wednesday night was also the night I gave my all regarding my semestral project. And I mean it literally when I said 'my all'. I drove through the night, going through all the websites and only managed to finish my report at 5am in the morning. School came in a few hours time and I napped during morning's lectures. Night came and it was the same. This time round, it was the powerpoint presentation. Fortunately, I managed to finish it at 4am and that was only after I decided to forgo the special effects. I turned in and then rushed down to school the same morning to meet Zai and Ken' for the compilation work and final touching up.

There was nothing spectacular about my group's presentation except that we overshot the time by two times. In fact, there was not any 'wow' kind of presentation at all. True I did learn about 20% of whatever was presented but I felt that it was not the kind of knowledge I could not do without. Oh and one more thing, I think I look great wearing formal. Feel free to criticise me though, I posted the photos.

Mr Foo finally gave me my engineering maths common test result on Thursday and to my disappointment, I only got a B. Although a B means I scored over 70 marks, I know that I need to put in more effort because like I said, maths is the only module I even have a chance of getting an A. Oh well, triple Bs for common tests. Lousy grades but well-deserved for someone as lazy as me.

I paid the doctor a visit on that same day. It was done more to stop my mother from worrying about me than to really cure whatever is wrong with me. That little lump above my adam's apple turned out to be a lymph node infection which may swell for a week or more. Medication was given and since I'm a good boy, I did take them. Well, that is if it counts as taking medication since out of the four times I was supposed to take the medicine I took it only twice.

current song choice: love will lead you back by taylor dwane

Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (ESV)
Matthew 5:38-42 'Retaliation' (NIV)

The above verses are supposed to guide me in my reflection on my actions during Wednesday. The 'retaliation' verse is about that an eye for an eye thing and how we Christians are supposed to react when faced with those situations where we are tempted to get back at people. Ailing said I did a lousy job with that B1 guy and to say the truth, if things repeat itself I would have done the exact same thing again. You cannot expect me to take his non-constructive criticism lying down. What about my teammates? I will not allow their efforts to be put down by some nobody.

Yes, you may say since that guy is a nobody to you, why did you still go to the extent of making things difficult for him. If we talk about the things that happen after my group's presentation, then I will say, "Yes I admit I was wrong by going after everyone else just because that guy pissed me off". But I do not think it is fair for my teammates either if I do not speak up when he said I was 'crapping'.

However, like what I've said, I admit I was wrong by shooting questions at almost every other group. The real question now is, is there really a need for me to apologise? I know what I had done was an act of self-glorifying (I meant shooting off questions and rebuttals like in a debate) and I admit I was in the wrong. People do not see my as somebody who is outspoken and strong after the whole 2 hours but rather, they see my as a thorn in their flesh.

If apologising to them would give glory to God and show them that Christians admit mistakes and is willing to apologise at the cost of pride then I would do it. But looking at them, I much rather think they would laugh out loud and view me as a silly fool instead. Perhaps I should pray about it.

In fact, I will pray about this. I will put my pride aside if need be. If I cannot, then I ask that God help me overcome it.