it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

I went to catch Singapore Repertory Theatre's Forbidden City: Portrait Of An Empress with jason on Saturday night. Initially we had planned to watch the last show but that was before we knew about the supposedly "extension" of the show until the 30th of this month. Well, you can't book the Esplanade for an extension at the last minute. According to some article I read somewhere, the SRT booked the theatre for the 8th until the 30th 2 years ago in order to meet the IMF and World Bank meetings.

Anyhow, the musical was great. Honestly I think that the critics do not give the cast enough credit. It is really not as bad as what the papers are saying.

On a side note, I received the closure I needed tonight. It has been around a month but I guess it is never too late for mysteries to be solved. Fancy someone childish saying I'm too young.


Like children need their mother
Like rivers need a sea
Like lovers need each other
Like prisons need a key

Like winter nights need fire
Like temples need a shrine
Like lovers need desire
Like prophets need a sign

I need him
Can't he see?

I need her

To be mine...

~ "I Need Him" Yehenara, Empress, Record Keepers, Kate, Morrison


Thus tonight I allowed myself to cry yet once more, to sob like babies need attention, like beauties need their knights, like lovers need affection, like flowers need sunlight.

I no longer need you.

After tonight, I will shed no more tears for you. I am moving on...

One of the things I missed most about you is your voice, and tonight I heard it once again although you only said one single word to me - hello.

posted by bert @ 1:05 AM 1 Comments

it is sometimes rather difficult to differentiate between a physical attraction and a real connection... ...

posted by bert @ 1:15 AM 2 Comments

Put numbers in the boxes if you've ever done the item(s).

[1] I have read a book before.

[2] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.

[ ] I have been to Canada.
[3] I've climbed a rock wall before.

[4] I have watched cartoons for hours before.

[5 ] I have tripped UP the stairs.

[6] have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.

[ ] have been snowboarding/skiing.
[7] I have played ping pong.

[8 ] I swam in the ocean.

[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[9] I have seen fireworks.

[10] I have seen a shooting star.

[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned.
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.

[12] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again.

[ ] I have had stitch(es).
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[13] I have stayed up til 6am doing homework/projects.

[14] I currently have a job.

[ ] I have been ice skating.
[15] I have been rollerblading.

[16] I have fallen flat on my face.

[17] I have tripped over my own two feet.

[18] I have been in a fist fight.

[19] I have played videogames/com for more than 3hours straight.

[20] I have watched The Power Rangers before.

[21] I do / have attended Church regularly.

[22] I have played truth or dare.

[23] I have already had my 16th birthday.

[24] I have already had my 17th birthday.

[25] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.

[27] I've been in a verbal argument.

[28] I've cried in school.

[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've swam on a team.
[29] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.

[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[ ] I've been on some sort of sports team.
[30] I've lost more than $20.

[31] I've called myself an idiot.

[32] I've called someone else an idiot.

[33] I've cried myself to sleep.

[ ] I've had (or have) pets.
[34 ] I've owned a Spice Girls cd. and or tape.

[ ] I've owned a Britney Spears cd.
[ ] I've owned an N*Sync cd.
[ ] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd.
[ ] I've mooned someone.
[ ] I've sworn at someone in authority.
[ ]I've been in the schoolnewspaper / insights.
[35] I've been on TV.

[36] I've eaten sushi.

[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[37] I've watched all of the Lord of the Ringsmovies.

[38] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.

[ ] I've watched the 3 Stooges at least once.
[ ] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[39] I've watched Looney Tunes before.

[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker.
[ ] I've been called a geek.
[40]I've studied hard for a test and got a badgrade.

[41] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.

[42] I've met a celebrity / music / TV artist.

[43] I've written poetry.

[ ] I've been arrested
[44] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.

[45] I've been tickled till I've cried.

[ ] I've tickled someone else until they cried
[46] I've had / have siblings.

[ ] I've been to a rock concert.
[47] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.

[48] I've been in a play.

[ ] I've been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class or so.
[49]I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[50] I've cried in front of my friends.

[51] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.

[52] I've freaked out over a sports game.

[ ] I've vomitted in public.
[ ] I've washed someone else's vomit.
[ ] I've ran away.
[ ] I've had a stalker.
[53] I've had a fight with someone on txt.

[54] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.

[55] I've been in a car accident.

[56] I've forgiven someone who has done something bad to me.

[57] I've personally seen someone die.

[ ] I've been confronted by a police officer but got away.

[58] I've lost someone who meant the world to me.

58 out of 99...yeah i win huiting...haha big deal...lolz

posted by bert @ 2:21 AM 4 Comments

Man are such helpless creatures. We are bounded by the physics of this earthly world, restricted by our own limitations and today I realised one important truth. There is a limit to the things that I can do. I tried so hard and gave so much but in the end, there is only emptiness. A space hollowed out from within me, created by another whom I allowed into my life.

The last time I felt this way over someone, it took me more than a year to walk out of it. The kind of cold sickening feeling you get in your guts when you look at a trigger of a sad memory, the horrid knowledge of your own helplessness and lack of control over so many things, the kind of dread you experience when you know you are about to cry.

Babies cry because they know that by crying, they get what they want. Adults cry because they know that even if they cry, they can no longer have what they want.

I cry at my own foolishness of knowing that no matter how hard I cry, I will not have what I want. I am sad and genuinely hurt, hence I cry and I am not ashamed about it. Everyone is entitled to being able to shed tears at their lowest low and to receive a hug and support from their loved ones. There is an upside to falling, it gives your family and friends a chance to catch you.

I am tired.

Sometimes I feel like I just want to curl up in a fetal position and cry myself to sleep. I guess it's about time I slow down, take a breather and think about my options. I can always find something else to fill up the empty space you created when you left. Or I can take a break and hope that I'd be able to recharge and refocus myself. Perhaps it's time I seek professional help from the medical world.

I discovered that not only did my mind not get any less distracted; I had also become more forgetful. My supervisor gave me a task to do last Wednesday before I go on my leave and I actually only remembered about it on Sunday night. Yesterday the same thing happened again and I only remembered his instructions today.

I feel that my days are getting from bad to worst. I missed out on going to Comex, therefore no mp3 player and speakers. Yesterday I lost my motorola handphone earpiece which means no more mp3 music until I go get a replacement. Furthermore, I dropped my V3i and then it got damaged. The handphone has lost its primary function as a phone because I can no longer hear the other party. It only works if I switched to loudspeaker mode and let the whole world hear my conversations or if i use my earpiece which I had already conveniently lost.

My dad also went to get my sister a new handphone, since she is a master at losing phones and she has lost her fourth one already and I was a little pissed especially because it was also the Sony Ericsson model that I wanted.

I probably will also not be able to get a PSP anymore and I will never have the chance to watch Forbidden City with you.


There was a bright side to my last weekend though. Sentosa had been real great fun. I had a really meaningful, enjoyable and fruitful time with my family. Breakfast was especially great not just because it's a buffet but more because I got to spend more quality time with my mum.

I got myself a tan as well from swimming and spending time at the beaches. The only disappointing thing was that we missed out on the attractions of the island. My uncle and aunty had a go on that new ski-thingy but I missed out on that. My cousins and I had also wanted to go to the new musical fountain but we did not have enough time. We did however, went for a drink at the Bikini Bar on the last night and this was the first time I went drinking with my cousins.

The family's getting bigger now that we have my cousin Wayne who is turning 7 next year, his younger brother Clint who just turned one, my two nieces, Reiko who is going to turn 3 soon and Reina who is only 5 months old. My only regret is that my grandma is no longer around to share all of this with us. I still miss her deeply every now and then. Going to develop a photo of me and her and put it by my bedside. Actually I had wanted to do this a long time ago but back then, I couldn't bear to look at her photos.

posted by bert @ 9:11 PM 1 Comments