it's the ironic & controversial rhapsody of an ambiguous bert

and i'm supposed to be a CHEMISTRY student...haha so maybe i should go into journalism instead...lolz

posted by bert @ 3:46 PM 0 Comments

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing. English 75% Journalism 75% Dance 67% Chemistry 67% Linguistics 67% Engineering 58% Sociology 58% Philosophy 58% Mathematics 50% Theater 50% Art 50% Anthropology 42% Psychology 42% Biology 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created withQuizFarm.com

posted by bert @ 3:39 PM 0 Comments

Just like the first time we met, you appeared in front of me by "popping out"behind me. You were wearing the same shirt that I seen on you so many times, I had to resist the urge to ask you did you moved your entire wardrobe across the Pacific.

Sitting there having lunch with you was almost surreal, the entire place was rather dead, the early afternoon sun was shining on your face and we were surrounded by glass which gave the restaurant a rather futuristic feel. As usual we would talk and as always, more about you. Of course, I didn't really mind, until you became the (let me quote) insensitive, selfish and self-centered person you were. But after hearing you out, I felt happy for you, knowing that there is someone who loves & encourages you and you appreciated him and you were touched by him. With all my heart, I'd have been happy for you if you told me that you are happy being with him. Of course, you're still single and you are not with him considering you are geographically undesirable. Anyway, the point is, I'd be happy for you as long as you're happy.

At the end of the movie, when I turned and saw your tears, I wanted so much to be able to embrace you right there and then, to tell you that whatever the movie reminded you of or whatever moved you, it's all gonna be alright. Ironic, I always picture it being the other way around. Anway, you just told me that you cry easily and it was a good movie.

Sigh, today was a mistake. A long time ago, I wanted to be a part of your life, to hang out with you and your friends, to take away your burden of loneliness in the big apple, to understand you more and hopefully vice versa. As it'd seems, I still wanted to.

Actually I knew I did not get over you and I think you believed that I did. I knew you said I had to be mature enough to make the choice on my own and I honestly thought we could still hang out as mutual friends. Apparently, we did hang out as mutual friends. Only difference is, it opened my eyes to the fact that I still did not let go. I remember you said you wanted someone independent and over the years, I know I grew up and indeed became more independent. But still...

Today when we parted, I wanted so much for you to say stuff like, "you wanna come over to my place" or "you want to join me for clubbing tonight". Instead, I got a handshake. A formal handshake signalling goodbye and take care. At that moment, I knew I had really said goodbye to you.

Well, you probably won't miss me when you leave this sunday, knowing that once your semester starts you also start mugging. You didn't even ask me out and we would not have met up if I had not taken the initiative. I know I cancelled on you a few times in the past and well, I finally know how it felt to be cancelled on now.

You said, " different people look for different things". I know I was looking for you but you weren't doing the same.

I'm going to miss you. Again.

posted by bert @ 2:00 AM 0 Comments

In Your Hands

I willing to put myself wholeheartedly into your hands
with no reservations
with no reservations

all I have in my life was given to me by you
you rewarded & you took away

maybe I once desired
but you wanted me to slowly learn to let go
at every minute

and now I'm different
my life belongs to you and not me
i'm willing
to become the good work in your hands

I attempted to type in chinese but blogger did not support it and so I decided to be a little poetic and translated. The above was originally a song entitled "In Your Hands". This song has moved many of my brothers and sisters -in-Christ; but right now, I'm hoping that it will become my prayer for my relationship with God - to truly let go and let God.

posted by bert @ 1:22 AM 0 Comments