seriously missing you all this while while you were gone
it was as if you had already disappeared from my life
i feel like i'm hanging on a thread that is threatening to break any minute
been thinking a lot
you were right
i shouldn't be letting all this affect my life
and seriously
what matters is not what i want
what is important is that you are happy
as long as you are happy, anything goes
so i am going to be understanding yet again
i dun want to intrude on your personal life
i will give you your space and time
and i will wait for you
i will be here
fell in love with cars because of you
listening to all my english classics
going to sentosa tomorrow
the one place i wanted to go with you
to bring u there so u can bring me around
but didn't have the chance
if you have no time for me
i'd understand
as long as you are happy
i am too
well folks, it's been a pretty rough week, still feeling kinda distracted nowadays, which would explain y am i blogging in this manner. sometimes i would seemingly just daydream and stare off into empty space at work, got chided by my supervisor today, he asked me wad did i do yesterday night in a suggestive kind of tone. haiz. men are all the same aren't they. i'm still a growing boy so i dun count. haha.
anyway, apparently the season is here again. hurricane puka erb struck and affected four of my friends. the exotic thai couple from bedok-hill played blow wind blow but i do think they have already salvaged their situation. on the other hand, it appears that there is no more hope left for the local kallang-pines duo. sigh, maybe their love got carried away by the kallang river. eh, anyone knows which sea does our kallang river flows into??
well, life goes on. of course we can always choose not to, just anchor ourselves and refuse to move along with the current lor. oh look, the karang guni man is coming le. he's coming here for you, the silly young boy who is letting l-o-v-e affect his everyday life.
oh ya, was anyone else at the esplanade last weekend to listen to 2 awesome musical veterans belt out tune after tune at the waterfront's outdoor theatre. no lah, it's not kit chan la. but it was her co-performers for the upcoming musical - "Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress", which i'm confirmed watching liao. going for the last show some more, the grand finale of a musical that is already running for the 3rd time here due to popular public demand.
george chan and rj rosales were simply gorgeous and astounding. u dun get featured in many great musicals if u dun have substance. george chan was in Chicago & Miss Saigon while rj rosales was in my favourite of all: Chang and Eng. the two of them performed at a free outdoor show called "Singing to a Different Tune" to plug FC and seriously, they were really worth listening to. they had great stage presence and anyone would fall in love with men who can sing like them. haha.
well, going to Sentosa for a family retreat tomorrow until this saturday. and it's going to be a super busy day this coming 2nd of September. after checking out from Sentosa, i have my dear "temp-girlfriend's" birthday celebration at K Box and then CCHMS NCC gathering during the evening. and there is also Comex IT fair at the Expo and the RSAF open house at Paya Lebar Air Base this weekend. I shall therefore learn some ninjutsu and split myself into 4 so i can appear at all 4 venues at the same time this sat. wow how cool is that. maybe i should split myself into 5 so that one more of me can go shopping. hahaha. by the way, to all Hong Jun Yang lovers and "fen-si", he will be performing at the RSAF open house on 2nd of Sep.
i'm sad because i'm happy. i'm happy because i have someone to be happy about, someone to make me sad about. i'm sad because i have someone who makes me happy. therefore, i'm sad because i'm happy because i'm sad. and i'm happy because i'm sad because i'm happy.
hmm, does the above makes sense?? reminds me of algebra, 2
x + 2
y = 2(
x +
y). well, at least i didn't write something cheem again this time, kinda distracted lately at work and at home so didn't really have the brainpower and mood to conceptualise and write.
hah!! dun care la. i love u. heehee.
will you still love me in the morning??
The year is Anno Domini 2006. The time - real early in the morning. The local Accidents and Emergency Department redefined the phrase "so near, yet so far".
A few centimeters was all it took for that one moment of happiness to be achieved; the same few centimeters became one of the greatest barriers ever known between two living souls. One wanted to give but was unsure, the other was unsure but wanted to receive??
Indeed, sometimes the shortest distance seemed to be the furthest to be overcomed.
I have totally no inspiration tonight and was actually writing and re-writing a whole load of crap. Thus, in the end I decided I needed help. I remembered this song and although it was actually written for a different purpose altogether, I borrowed parts of it and rewrote a few lines to form something else.
I just want to say that I don't blame you at all. So what if you are selfish? Aren't we all? I'm trying hard to be understanding for you because I know what you are experiencing and going through and I'm willingly waiting here for you. I just need you to be a little bit more responsive. There is nothing wrong with you being a quiet person; in fact I love the fact that you are a quiet person and sometimes we can just have comfortable silence. Of course sometimes when you are too quiet, I also need you to talk to me.
Sigh, it's going to be a sleepless night tonight. I just wish I know what is on your mind.
tomorrow morning when you wake up
and the sun does not appear
turn around
i will be here
if in the darkness we lose sight of love
hold my hand and have no fear
walk with me and shed no tears
cause i will be here
just as seasons are made for change
our lifetimes are made for years
be with me
for i will be here
when you feel like being quiet
or when you need to speak your mind
when the laughter turns to crying
through the winning, losing and trying
we'll be together
and i'll be here
just remember
i will be here
I think I'm really slowly falling for you... ...
"with memories I reminisce
those moments I think of you
to let you not stray far from me
as we walk in this season of embrace
I am not a poor fellow as I have love in my heart
remembrance warms the times when I miss you
I hold on tight to the words you said
And wait... ..."
~ adapted from "I'm Sorry, I Love You", Cai Chun Jia
A little more than 3 months ago, I lost a person I loved most dearly in this world to the fight against cancer. After that I started to stray, lost my direction and began to do some crazy stuff. On top of that, I still have got family issues to deal with since late last year, problems extending well into late this year. Put everything together and I think I'm just beginning to go through my quarter-life crisis.
At the risk of sounding passe, I was drowning in a pool of water (ermm make that apple juices, it's stickier than water) and you came along, saved me (unfortunately not via resuscitation) and gave me hope.
I know our road ahead is not exactly made of polished Italian marble, rather I think we have to trek through a path paved with a myriad of broken glass shards, hot asphalt and jagged granite. Think a couple of weary travelers lost in the desert without a single drop of consumable life-renewing liquid; picture a pair of divers who just ran out of oxygen while underwater; what about those two who jumped out of a plane and only discovered in mid jump that none of their backpacks are working, well you catch my drift.
Having said that, it does not in anyway means that I think the two of us will not work out. I know you have your reservations about me and I too have doubts from time to time, but nobody knows what will happen in the future unless we give ourselves this chance and give us a shot.
Love - a transcendence of circumstances and acceptance of flaws; the differentiation between pure physical attraction and genuine chemistry.
The initial stage of a romance should be filled with wild passionate fire and sizzling sparks; tooth-decaying sweetness and highly reactive chemistry.
Take a peek into the workings of my inner world and instead you'd find uncertain and mixed feelings, an unnaturally quiet void emulsified with the droning of an engine fused with the music from a cd player and an uncomfortable silence generated from the difference between the clear blue sky and the deep blue sea. Literally.
We are as different as the two different poles of a magnet. Certainly unlike poles attract but what fireworks can possibly come out of a gap as wide as the horizon.
You adore the sky and I love the ocean.
You yearn to fly, spread your wings and touch the skies but not only do I hate to fly; it has always been a wish of mine to live out the finale of my life onboard a luxury cruise liner.
You absolutely love cars but not only do I not drive, I have no idea at all which cars go from 0 to 100kph in god knows how many freaking seconds.
You listen to english songs while I rot at "K Box" singing chinese ballads. Oh I meant rock, not rot.
Today's reality gave me a jolt so severe that I almost woke up from my dream. I read a friend's blog that expounded on his fatigue of his constant wait for his partner to love him back in response. He tirelessly gave and gave and gave, tried and tried and tried and finally, recent events made him felt the exhaustion of biding for something that may never come.
I asked myself this question: how much more can I take? How much longer can I dwell underneath the deceptive veil of genuine understanding. Deceptive because not everyone have seen this side of me. Genuine because I am really doing it for you and doing it because of you. I am honestly being understanding and seriously trying hard to continue to be as understanding as I can, knowing the predicament that you face (and I have no wishes to put you in any kind of spot) and the situation you are now in, a situation that in the future I will face too but I must admit that there is going to be a limit.
My life revolves around you, my mind and heart have been consumed, if not obsessed, but you have got to meet me halfway. This is not a one-man's show.
I said I almost woke up from my dream because I have not given up yet. Are you trying too? Realistically and theoretically, it's always better to hurt someone sooner rather than later. If you are going to let me down, let me know so I would not be left hanging and I can pull out now. No pun intended.
A ring, most often seen on the middle or fourth finger of a person's left hand, has through the ages become the symbol of love and connection between couples. Sometimes, it's seen hanging on a chain around a person's neck.
A ring represents a bond between the duos, a circle that ties you to your one true love. It means that you're seeing someone special; it's a status that tells the world you're attached or taken. In the face of a suitor, all one has to do is to show the ring on your hand and all is understood.
Take a moment, be still and think about the importance of a ring in a relationship. There must be a reason why is it that a man has to go down on one bended knee with a ring in his hands to propose to the woman whom he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Although seriously how many men still do it in this fashion nowadays is truly beyond me. Maybe in the future, woman will be the one doing it instead, considering that they have wanted to achieve gender equality for ages. Joke, seriously. If a man needs to be proposed to by a woman kneeling down, then that man is not worth marrying. And this is really beside the point.
Anyhow, a young couple in a hot and passionate love affair will give each other a ring to tell the other party that he or she is the most important and special person in their lives. On Valentine's Day, the next most common gift to roses would be rings. We have engagement rings for those soon to be wedded couples. Wedding bands for to be exchanged at the altar. Well, I guess you catch my drift.
A ring can be so precious that it even has to be carried on a soft and exquisite ring cushion held by the cutest young child to be found. Of course, this could just be a lovely tradition. On a small note, I did once come across this movie where the groom is a fireman and the ring was put on a small toy fire truck, pulled along the aisle by a small little boy.
If anyone still have doubts on the significance of a ring, just picture the following scenario that has happened in oh-so-many serial dramas and I'm sure in the lives of some of your friends too. A guy or a girl, standing at the bank of a river (Singapore river perhaps) or the sandy shores of the sea, throwing away a ring into the open waters when the relationship is broken, over and lost.
I want to be wearing a ring on my hand given to me by you, and I want you to wearing a ring on your hand, given to you by me.
Because I Love YouIf I crossed a million oceans just to be with you
Would you ever let me down?If I climbed the highest mountain just to hold you tightIf I said that I would love you every single nightWould you ever let me down?Well I'm sorry if it sounds kinda sad, it's just thatWorried, so worried that you let me downBecause I love you, love youLove you, so don't let me downIf I swam the longest river just to call your nameIf I said the way I feel for you would never changeWould you ever fool aroundWell I'm sorry if it sounds kinda bad, just thatWorried, cuz' I'm so worried that you let me downBecause I love you, love youLove you, so don't let me downWell I'm sorry if it sounds kinda bad, just thatWorried, cuz' I'm so worried that you let me downBecause I love you, love youLove you, so don't let me down
Recently discovered that Zhang Zhi Chen "remixed" this classic. Simply hooked on its melody and words; it poignantly depicted my mood.
Have you ever envisioned the following??
To spend all the time in the world with the one you loved.
Bringing you to all your favourite places and going to your favourite places.
Bringing you to eat at my favourite special food places (those really special ulu ones where not many people know about it & mind you, I've got a lot of those places in mind).
Spend quiet quality time with you at home, doing mundane silly normal stuff like cooking, reading, watching vcds...
Baking my best cheesecake ever for you.
Driving around in your car (or mine) and just cruise around and have a good time sitting next to each other in the car, knowing that the seat in front is your special seat.
Learning new stuff together, like diving, sailing, or maybe take up a new language.
Travelling around the world together.
Make music together, me on my piano and you on your instruments.
Getting that one special pair of rings that bonds the 2 of us as a couple.
Haha. Today's entry is so not my usual standard of writing. I think I'm a bit kuku already, it's been 4 days without reading your messages or hearing your voice. Though I patiently wait for the next 4 days to pass, I'm also mentally prepared for what is to come.
I'm think I'm in love. Absolutely. Palpably. Utterly.
