gossipy girls wear lipstick from the jungle
Sometimes thing are so ironic that you can't help but just smile inwardly (or cringe, whichever it is). Initially I thought I would be sailing for at least 3 out of 4 weekends but in the end, not only did I not sail for the first 2, my ship also just stayed in harbour on standby for the remaining 2. Of course I'm not complaining about the fact that I didn't have to sail. On the contrary, I'm very thankful but still. I felt like I wasted 2 days stuck in base. And so in order to counter against this, I dragged Edwin out to club with me (Thomas please come back soon so we can all do our usual saturday night out again).
Everybody knows Sex & The City and Desperate Housewives but I'm also totally hooked to Gossip Girl (courtesy of Ernie) and Lipstick Jungle. So to all my 'girls' and girlfriends, I strongly recommend this two shows, if only for the sake of watching the characters wear all those beautiful and fabulous clothes from the top labels.
It really gets incredibly lonely.
My life, it's as if one can seriously honestly never really have it all.
Love, career, health, family, friends.
There will always be one component missing.
I have been single for so long.
All the way trying to build up what I had hoped would become a career.
But now I know that this is a job I would not want to stay in.
So I sacrificed love for work.
Even then, did I really suceed in work??
My achievements, are they testament to anything at all??
Suddenly I feel that work is spiralling down for me now.
Does that signify something else will get better??
Will love really come for me by the end of this year??
That was what the tarot master said.
Then again, he did also predict I will have 2 children.
Nonsense??
Assessment's coming next tuesday.
And I know with my performance today I'd only fail the whole team.
Today was the second time I came close to crying ever since joining Vengeance.
Not because I was scolded or disciplined.
But you cannot imagine the pressure or the disappointment I face.
True I may have been a crybaby when I was younger.
And I'm not afraid to admit that.
But in recent years my tears have left me.
Today I felt so terribly alone and helpless.
It was a time when I needed support, someone to hold me up.
Was there anyone beside me??
Was there anyone to give me a hug??
To kiss me and let me know that I'm loved.
To tell me not to worry and that everything will turn out fine.
Do I even need to say the answer to my question??
I'm not saying that I have no friends or that my friends are unimportant.
I'm also not sympathising myself.
I'm simply expressing my loneliness.
I remember the last time I was hugged to sleep.
Oh, so long ago.
True some of my friends call me a slut for the things I've been doing and the things I've done.
But hey, I think it takes a slut to know another slut.
Maybe there were times I went too far.
But at the end of the day, I only did not want to be alone.
moon is sweet
Because I was lazy and didn't want the extra trouble of applying for camera clearance when I sailed to Kaoshiung, Taiwan & Darwin, Australia, I have almost no photos of myself for keepsakes except those I can find from my shipcrew's online albums and even for those, there aren't many pictures that included me. It was looking through JunJie's blog and viewing all those photos of his vacation in Taipei & HongKong that made me regret my laziness back then.
Honestly, there was another reason why I didn't bother with bringing a camera along. I'm not a guy who likes to snap photos of a singular me posed with my index and middle finger shaped like a "v" in front of some picturesque natural phenomenon or world-famous architectural landmarks. All my teenagehood I've always wanted to travel but with my partner. I want to be able to go shopping at Kowloon City, scuba dive at the Tioman Islands, feed kangaroos at Brisbane, drink bubble tea everyday in Taipei & visit New York one day, all with my partner.
Which brings me to the next issue that's been on my mind for the past few days, ever since having coffee together with Thomas, Edwin and his friends (which also happens to be a really cute couple) D & T. Ermm, wasn't that a subject we all took back in secondary school??
Anyhow, seeing D & T together ruffled a few feathers of mine. They absolutely FABULOUSLY topped my "Cutest Couple of the Century Chart", also known as the CCCC. They look so right together and they are so compatible and according to Edwin, the two of them gives a lot to the relationship & each other. And do you know what else is great?? D & T are actually going to take a holiday together at the end of this year during the Christmas season. So there I was thinking Thomas & his Mascara are the cutest or maybe Hamster & his WenWen could have gave them a run for their money but no, I officially crown D & T the champion, or at least until the next couple comes along to kick them off the throne.
And did I mention I want to take a holiday together with my partner?? Make it a honeymoon la.
p.s. Dear Edwin, in order to take over as top CC on my CCCC, you must mate with mooncake-BMW. I mean date, date with mooncake-BMW.
insurance
Just when I keep telling myself and the "girls" that I want to close your file, you turn sweet all of a sudden. It's almost as if you have the uncanny ability to completely manipulate me (no please do not misunderstand, I'm not saying you're doing this on purpose) and guess what, I don't really mind. For days you will be unreachable or out of touch and then suddenly, you'll be there again. Maybe this is the way things will turn out to be (that is, if things do turn out to be) - that you're so busy working & I'm so busy sailing that the best you can give is only this little bit of your time and that I just have to contend myself with it.
Edwin keep telling me to ask myself this question, "is it worth it??" Honestly, for some time now I've been telling myself that I deserve better and that I've been waiting for people since I was 13!! I'm not about to go waste my entire youth (which is fast running out, kids no longer call me kor kor anymore) waiting and waiting and waiting.
I will still be here tomorrow, but I won't be here forever.
p.s. you know how sometimes when a sms comes in you will KNOW who the message sender is or who just replied you, well that happened tonight. somehow I knew that it was you. coincidence?? go figure..
i gotta get out
I do not know what scares me more, the fact that people out there actually remembers my blog or the fact that for the past 2 years they have actually been making (assumed irregular) visits to my blog. Honestly, I was totally caught off guard by Wei En and Kai En when I realised they have been "spying" on me. (LOL!!) And ditto fiana, the last time I blogged was in 2006 too.
Anyway according to Jackson, I'm the typical Sagittarius who not only doesn't mind but also believes that every little bit of detail of his life can be & should be shared with his friends around him. Thus, I realised sometimes I go too far and ruthlessly download my every "xi, nu, ai, le" onto my loved ones. And as what I told Yang (actually I recall I may have said something similar to Fiana & Vinc too), I know my friends definitely wouldn't mind (because they love me) listening to me moan about that cutie or grumble about work or bitch unscrupulously about that bitch but in the long run, I don't want my friends to be burdened by my troubles or my woes or my whatever. Ya. I know it's not always about ME but hey, I'm a self-absorbed vainpot.
Plus, ever since leaving OC & moving on from the reliance on Yang's advices, I've been left without a conduit for my constantly tumultuous emotions. My mental state began downsliding and it was only a matter of time before I started singing like Rihanna in her latest single - Disturbia. (It's a shame I can't dance like her though but I do know 2 other somebodies who can dance like Beyonce.)
My grey-matter therefore slowly began to source for an avenue for me to air my grievances and at the same time, polish my grammar skills and it came as no surprise to myself when I realised it's about time I revived Bert's Song.
So yes, bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum.
